Tuesday, April 12, 2016


As I’m getting closer and closer to the completion of my 30th rotation around the sun (strike through, now that I’ve completed the 30th rotation… WHAT?! Right?), I have been thinking a lot about passion, excitement and what parts of my 20’s I want to take with me. There’s a LOT that I want to leave behind, all the insecurity and drama… good riddance, but one thing that popped into my mind recently was “I’m obsessed…” and I realized that it had been so long since I’d thought that, with excitement, about something I was adding to my life.

In high school and college it was something I thought pretty often… a new hot guy from the disney channel all over my binder, a song that I couldn’t stop listening to, a book that I couldn’t stop reading about… but it dwindled over the years. A mix of shame about being girly, cliche and positively dramatic about things and feeling like I had to “grow up” took the thought out of my regular rotation.

How sad, no?

Today, when that lovely, “oh man, I am ob.sessed” (read that emphasis on the first syllable, yeahhhhh) thought popped back into my head, with it’s brilliance and excitement it was like seeing a best friend from years before and reconnecting like no time had passed at all. I didn’t realize I had missed my excitement, I didn’t realize I was keeping it down.

In my thirty first year and beyond I want to bring that energy, give her space at the table to sigh with a smile on her face and her chin in her hands, to get wide eyed and talk fast when something sparks interest, I want to give the girly, cliche, positively dramatic (and sometimes basic) part of me a rhinestone decorated chair at the table. She totally deserves to be here, she makes life a lot more fun.

Current things I’m ob.sessing over lately: hormone supporting foods, lunar cycles, astrology, tarot cards, tarot porn (pictures of daily tarot spreads on white/marble tables with crystals), pink things (never would have thought), colored pens, writing in my journal about my sabbatical, belly dancing, line dances, my collection of used matches, reading reading reading, nutella, wearing black on black on blue… always

What have you been ob.sessed with lately?


January Review

Tuesday, February 16, 2016


I keep going back and forth about what I want to do here, if I want to write at all, what I want to document, because it still feels like another chore, and I’ve decided that at the bare minimum I can document my goal/word of the year/etc progress month by month. So here we go.

Word of the year:

Reach out /// Manage money
Cook new things /// Create more
Scroll less

My word of the year is working well even when I forget about it. As I mentioned probably numerous times to people around me and on here, I have been going to a counselor and working with her has been so phenomenal to the way I process my thoughts it’s life changing. I still get lows and I still spiral from time to time but it’s not nearly as much as now I have set an automatic habit of questioning certain thoughts as they pop into my head and thinking about why I feel crabby or sad or anything else and what negative beliefs about myself I am holding on to when I’m feeling low. My spirals are more shallow than they were before, I can snap myself out of some of them, I can figure out what I need to do next, I can explore what triggers that specific feeling and I also have this awesome sense of confidence growing. I have new positive messages to be replacing the old negative ones with and I am so grateful. Life. Changing. My hope is that by the end of the year I will be even better at managing my lows and spirals not just through thought practices but also better eating and exercise. With that I really look forward to the positive inner mentor showing up more. I’m looking forward to getting a sense of who I really am underneath all these things I’ve held myself contained with. Some hard work is being done and it’s so worth it.

Intentions and goals:
I have been reaching out here and there pushing myself beyond my normal boundaries and comfort zone. I am taking more dance classes because I love them and while that may not seem like a reach it really is. I am allowing myself to not be as good as I want to be, to show up and practice and embarrass myself in order to get to where I want to go, and to do what I love to do.
Managing money has been going really well. I have a goal of how much I want to make in the next year, I am listening to a lot of podcasts about it, I’m keeping positive thoughts around it, I am writing down my credit card balance weekly and watching it shrink little by little. I’m liking the process, the shift from thinking of money as a drag to something exciting is a journey for sure, but I can’t want to see what it brings.
I do this in waves. Sometimes I just get in a cooking mode and make 4 new things and other times I do the same old same old. I have been incorporating kale into some of my meals, tried different kale smoothies and kale and quinoa mixes and haven’t been too disappointed yet.
I don’t know that I’ve been creating all that much. I’m still figuring out my schedule of taking care of my big goals and creating doesn’t have a good spot quite yet. But I’m working on it, always on my mind.
Scroll less…. well, I can’t say I’m as good at this as I want to be yet, but I did mute a lot of people on my FB feed, I added a couple groups that were about goals and community and I have been paying more attention to when I get glazed from scrolling and reading too many things. It’s in motion, I could do better, I’ll get there sooner or later.

What else has been going on? Well February 1st I started Chalene Johnson’s 30 day challenge and it has been pretty awesome so far. I will probably be sticking with her goal achieving process for a while. Through her program I have figured out 10 goals that I am working on, one of which is an overarching Push Goal which helps a lot of the other ones fall into place. I was going to wait for my birthday to start really laying down my measurable goals for the year and beyond but this came at the right time and now for my birthday I’m just going to have a list of fun/silly things I want to do in my 30th year. Pretty pumped about all of it.

Other goals and things:
Started a plan for drinking more water. It’s going really well for the first time ever!
Working out with a trainer
Going line dancing once a week at least!!!
Started really searching for my next job. March 31st is my last day at my current one.

Other things I’m thinking about:
Mindfulness/Meditation and Living in the present
Drinking more water
Eating at least one green a day… eventually one with lunch and dinner (progress is a slow process with me and veggies)
Getting back to the things I love
Intentions and Values

In less than a month I’m going to be 30!!! Crazy. Awesome. I’m ready for the next decade.



Goals, Intensions, New Year and Birthday

Monday, January 11, 2016

Listen (1)

This year I am setting up my whole goal making, intention setting, word choosing a little different. I know I have goals I want to reach, but first I want to find intentions. I found my word for the year a few hours before midnight and I couldn’t be happier with it. I had sat down to write some goals too but then I wondered what would be left when my 30th birthday came around.
I love the fresh start of the New Year and the idea of resolution goal intention setting, but I also like the fresh start that a birthday can have. In years past I had started with some goals in the beginning of the year but they got lost and made new ones for my birthday, so this year I decided they were going to work together.

The beginning of the year has me with a main practice, to Listen, and some things I want to work on.

They are as follows:

Reach out: This means reaching out past my comfort zone, going for opportunities that speak to me but also scare the crap out of me because it means using skills I actually want to use. Reaching out to the friends I have made and continue to grow those friendships, reaching out to new people for friendships or dating or back to the top for new opportunities.

Manage money: Paying attention. Writing down my credit card balance weekly, writing down what I buy daily, thinking about the purchases I am making and why I am making them. I have been working on this through the past couple of years and I’m ready to jump in even more. The more I look straight at it, the less I look away, the easier it’s all going to be. I want a good relationship with the tool that is money. Scratch that, I want a great relationship with it, and since it’s an inanimate object, it’s up to me to do the work.

Cook new things: I am so tired of the same old glass baking dish of chicken thighs, broccoli, sweet potatoes and maybe onions or carrots. I want to make food that I am excited to eat the next day. Cook new things, use my new food processor, get stoked on healthy food. This falls into both reaching out of my comfort zone and also managing my money, I have not liked spending money on food that was eh out and about.

Create more: I read a lot. I read blog posts, my twitter feed, other articles I find all over the dang rabbit hole of the internet and I also read books. I read self improvement very frequently and while I am so glad I have over the years, it’s time to start doing more than reading. Enter: creating. This looks like taking pictures, making pictures into things, writing blog posts, writing letters, maybe making a blanket, making random art, cooking new things… it is action and expression.

Scroll less: I’ve been learning a lot about how false my perceptions have been in the past when comparing myself to others. I take well styled photos as truth and the whole story and I forget that we all have things we’re working through. I want to combat that. I mindlessly scroll a lot, through Facebook feeds, through Pinterest, through blogs and Instagram and Tumblr… I know I am not alone in this, but I want to be more intentional about it. If I scroll less there will be room to create more, there will be room to Listen closer, there will be room to cook new things and reach out AND I won’t see as many things I think I NEED to have. This is not about leaving Instagram, Pinterest, Tumblr or Bloglovin forever, it’s about noticing when I’m scrolling because I don’t know what else to do. It’s about taking back some time and looking around.

I’m excited about these. I’m going to live with them for the next two months and in those two months of Listening, reaching and nourishing I believe that my goals for 30 will start to show themselves.

I’m excited about this year. I’m excited about turning 30. I’m excited about the work there is to be done. I’m digging in and I’m keeping my heart open.


Word of the Year

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Listen (3)

I’ve gone back and forth over the past few years with choosing a word. I would think and think and force and force and decide on one just to forget about it or come to hate it. I picked words I thought I should pick, ones that would push me to be better or more. I think that’s the exact opposite of what I was needing. Last year I didn’t really choose a word, I think if I were to choose one now for then I would say “through.” As in, keep pushing through, don’t make another big change, don’t move because it isn’t what you thought it would be, keep going. If you’re going through hell, keep going.

It wasn’t the most fun of years, and if I had known that was my word at the beginning I might have felt sad about it, but now it’s the end and yay, I went through!

This year I wanted a word again, I wanted to find one that inspired and held me but didn’t push me rudely. A want and even more so, and intention instead of a should. I thought and though (like years past) and I let a couple sit that felt good, and as the clock struck 9pm on New Years’s Eve I thought I had it. There were two words, Reach and Nourish, and they were good. They felt good, but they didn’t feel good without the other. I know that with these practices you can make the rules as you go and there was nothing wrong with having two, but it still didn’t feel quite right.

I sat down to watch a movie and brainstorm for the new year, I sent a couple texts and felt a little discouraged about something else, and it was in that discouragement, while walking from my room to the laundry (yes I had a wild New Year’s Eve) that my word popped in.


The discouragement I had been feeling, it was towards an exercise I had tried to do multiple times and couldn’t complete. The exercise: a visualization of meeting my inner mentor. I couldn’t meet her, I would get to her house and when I would look in her direction it was like a white fog. She didn’t tell me her name, she didn’t give me a gift, and what was this beam of light shit? I want to meet my inner mentor, I want to connect better to my intuition, I want to move forward connecting better to myself. I was trying to get at that with Nourish. Nourish my body, nourish my mind, take care so that my inner mentor could be seen.

But Listen… man, Listen was even better. That one popped in as the best ideas do. It felt like intuition and not force. It felt right. I put my laundry in the wash and I went back to my movie and felt better. Listen. It’s time to listen.

I don’t know exactly how I’m going to live that out this year, I don’t know what practices I am going to put into place, but I know that when things feel right and when they feel wrong I am going to listen. I’m going to listen to what is really being said by my mentor and my critic, not just the exact words that are played over and over, but why they are being played over and over. I am going to listen and see who’s doing the talking, trusting the calm voice over the anxious one.

In 2016 I am going to Listen and in doing so, I believe I will be able to reach and nourish.

Here’s to a good year.


Twenty Sixteen

Friday, January 1, 2016

to our amazing followers

Twenty sixteen I have been preparing for you. I have been brainstorming lists of my values, beliefs, possible intentions, words of the year, goals and everything else. I have been making lists and then whittling down, I have been listening to podcasts from like minded individuals looking to get the really good stuff out of life, not just the shiny pennies. I have been doing some serious work, going to my counseling appointments, checking in with how I feel about situations, making sure I’m not assuming, taking pre projected ideas off of friends and acquaintances and listening to how they actually feel about me.

Twenty sixteen, I’m showing up prepared. I’m not floundering, I’m making headway and I’m so excited that you’re the host of my 30th birthday.

I was worried, at the beginning of twenty fifteen I didn’t feel like I was where I needed to be for 30, not even close but I made some changes, I started using my voice, I’ll say it again, I went to counseling… and it has been everything.

On the outside you wouldn’t really know what’s changed. I think I’m smiling more, friends and family say I seem happier. Mindset shift. It wasn’t the “I choose how I feel and today I choose happy” bullshit (more on that another day) it was that I wanted peace far more than I wanted the anger, sadness, or lack of hope in myself.


Twenty sixteen I’m looking at you like we’re partners, I’m not going to ask you to be amazing while I sit back and wonder why everything is poop. I’m going to show up with you and keep doing the work.

So here’s to you (and me) twenty sixteen. I’m excited, let’s begin.


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