Entries from April 2016


Tuesday, April 12, 2016


As I’m getting closer and closer to the completion of my 30th rotation around the sun (strike through, now that I’ve completed the 30th rotation… WHAT?! Right?), I have been thinking a lot about passion, excitement and what parts of my 20’s I want to take with me. There’s a LOT that I want to leave behind, all the insecurity and drama… good riddance, but one thing that popped into my mind recently was “I’m obsessed…” and I realized that it had been so long since I’d thought that, with excitement, about something I was adding to my life.

In high school and college it was something I thought pretty often… a new hot guy from the disney channel all over my binder, a song that I couldn’t stop listening to, a book that I couldn’t stop reading about… but it dwindled over the years. A mix of shame about being girly, cliche and positively dramatic about things and feeling like I had to “grow up” took the thought out of my regular rotation.

How sad, no?

Today, when that lovely, “oh man, I am ob.sessed” (read that emphasis on the first syllable, yeahhhhh) thought popped back into my head, with it’s brilliance and excitement it was like seeing a best friend from years before and reconnecting like no time had passed at all. I didn’t realize I had missed my excitement, I didn’t realize I was keeping it down.

In my thirty first year and beyond I want to bring that energy, give her space at the table to sigh with a smile on her face and her chin in her hands, to get wide eyed and talk fast when something sparks interest, I want to give the girly, cliche, positively dramatic (and sometimes basic) part of me a rhinestone decorated chair at the table. She totally deserves to be here, she makes life a lot more fun.

Current things I’m ob.sessing over lately: hormone supporting foods, lunar cycles, astrology, tarot cards, tarot porn (pictures of daily tarot spreads on white/marble tables with crystals), pink things (never would have thought), colored pens, writing in my journal about my sabbatical, belly dancing, line dances, my collection of used matches, reading reading reading, nutella, wearing black on black on blue… always

What have you been ob.sessed with lately?


Sabbatical Week Two

Sunday, April 10, 2016

What have I been doing on my sabbatical-

Admittedly the first week was a lot of sleeping and lazing around and not knowing what to do with myself and feeling overall pretty grumpy. I get a lot of natural light in my apartment but it’s not enough. I need to get out of the house more. Especially because I’m alone soooooooo much. But I couldn’t think of things to do so I stayed put and I slept until I couldn’t and then I read and then slept more. I did get some good books in and learned some helpful things for my health, so it wasn’t a total bust of a week, but I definitely wanted my second week to be more enjoyable.

Week two came around with a list of things to do, just to get out of the house and while it hasn’t felt like the amazing wonderful life changing relaxation station I hoped a month off would, it has definitely been better. This week I’ve been reading less in books getting out of the apartment more + learning line dances from tutorials online + learning how to track my fertility + trying new foods + reading a bunch of things online + watching videos of Shakira belly dancing + working one day a week + getting paperwork filled out for new job + drinking apple cider vinegar in the morning + eating more veggies + looking up sustainability practices like non plastic salad spinners, composting and I even read about a woman who made her own toilet towels (as opposed to toilet paper) + journaling  + feeling like a crazy person + feeling completely sane + reading about tarot + checking out a bajillion books from the library + nursing plants back to health and adding more to the family + making natural wasp deterrent spray + writing for a blog that’s not my own + cleaning off my work space + attempting to hang out and talk with people more often + eating a lot of berries + writing some blog posts…

The list could go on.

I keep thinking about what I want to accomplish when I come to the end of this time and I have a list of things but mostly I want to feel relaxed and ready for the next phase. Deep breaths, good food, movement, time with friends. I guess that’s all I really need.



Friday, April 8, 2016


My thoughts have been all over the place lately but the things I’ve been looking into and the rabbit holes I’ve been going down when on the internet seem to have a theme. Wouldn’t you know, that theme connects to the word of the year. I’m listening and I’m following and at first it all seems like a crazy jumble, tarot readings, tracking flow, eating for healing, sustainable produce bags, composting and the like and a brief stint of watching belly dancing videos and looking up line dance tutorials online but in a way it makes sense. For me, it all makes a lot of sense. I’m listening, I’m connecting and I’m figuring out core me, the me that’s been trying to have the most airtime my whole life but has been pushed down but this or that. I like her, sometimes I think I’m afraid of her and where we’ll end up if she leads, but she’s pretty fun, so maybe it won’t be so bad.

Here are the things I’ve been drawn to and loving lately:

Drugs You Don’t Need for Disorders You Don’t Have – This post if full of I KNEW IT moments for me. The fact that drugs are not actually doing what they claim to be doing, or they are not doing it well, the fact that good food would be a better healer for most people on anti acid meds, that we’re creating diseases that we don’t really have… all of it. I remember being pretty young and having a headache and my dad telling me to go take an advil, I didn’t want to, not just because I was horrible at swallowing pills at the time, but also because… pills. Fast forward to my late teens early 20’s, I hated the idea of pills, railed against anti-depressants and how so.many.kids. were being diagnosed as ADHD to now as I read books about how it’s always been food, and these drugs are just masks for deeper issues we should be addressing. Maybe it’s been a blessing in disguise, my bad luck with doctors and such.

Brain Maker – I read this before the article above and I think they pair together nicely. There was way more science in this book than I personally needed but I know my friend Rach would drool over that part. I skimmed this book to get what I needed out of it which were food suggestions and basic, overall this is why we need to pay attention to and feed our microbiome. It definitely shifted some of my germaphobe thoughts too.

Hardest Part of Being a Tarot Reader – I am just starting to get back into the mystical and magical. I’ve been secretly curious for years and years. I had a wiccan friend in high school and I told myself it was all ludicrous back then along with astrology, but sometimes the ludicrous is just what you need. And if I’m being totally honest, getting back into astrology lately, it’s sometimes eerie how spot on my charts have been. I’ve decided in all of this that my life could use a little more magic and if this is what connects me to faith then bring on the charts and tarot cards.

Why is Tarot Crazy Popular Right Now – More on the previous… what I love about this resurgence of tarot, crystals, astrology and the like is that so many of these people are using it in seemingly practical ways. It’s being redefined, or probably coming back to what it originally was before movies made it all sinister and dark. Tarot is facing the things you might not have wanted to face, crystals are a focus point for thoughts, astrology doesn’t predict, it can explain and guide. The best part, you can use all of it to connect to what God/Higher Power you believe in. I think it’s awesome, and the decks are full of incredible artwork.
Current deck: Aquarian Tarot
Deck I want: The Wild Unknown
Other awesome decks: The Starchild Tarot & The Moonchild Tarot

Feed Me Phoebe’s Moon Sister month challenge – I’ve been looking for ways to work with my hormones instead of covering them up. I have been so hesitant to put pills in my body for so long (see above) and so I’ve always felt weird about the pill. On the other hand I’ve been terrified of ending up pregnant. Morning sickness + puke phobia = no thanks, plus all the other things like 18+ years of a child to raise. I don’t even have a cat right now, because money and being a responsible pet owner, so… yeah no babies. I know the condom is effective when used right and I’m all for it, but I also wanted to be more aware, more in tune. Enter this post with so many good links and information to read up on and start trying.

Miscontraception – Oh my goodness, just watched this 10 minute film after writing this and HAD to add it. It’s funny and lighthearted even though it’s talking about tracking your damn cycle. Win. Win win win.
For more detailed info look at the Justisse Method

Woman Code – Started to read this months ago and then put it down because I wasn’t ready to handle it yet. I had too much going on. But now that I’m on a sabbatical of sorts I have time to really dig in to things that I’ve been too overwhelmed or distracted to get into before. So much good information in this book. I love, love, love it. I don’t know how I’m going to put it together with the Brain Maker suggestions but I’m working on it.

Also, I’ve moved from Bloglovin to Feedly. While I liked the way Bloglovin looked, I do not like how my feed is now added to with suggestions I don’t want. I keep my bloglist edited for a reason, I don’t want to see a bunch of fashion bloggers or listicles because it’s not relevant to me and it’s a time waster. So, Bloglovin, bad on you. I like my essentialist ways with blog reading and so I’ve moved over to Feedly.

So basically, all I can say is I’m getting pretty crunchy around here. Tracking flow instead of synthetic hormones, food as healing, no pills, not wanting to use plastic, considering composting once I live in a house, drinking apple cider vinegar with The Mother in the morning, getting in touch with intuition, gut feelings, and bits of magic. High school me would be amazed. I kind of love it. No, wait, I fully love it.

What are you obsessing over lately?


*found this image on pinterest, reverse imaged searched it on google, if someone knows the creator I’ll link it in a heartbeat. 


Wednesday, April 6, 2016


Currently I feel like I’m on a mental roller coaster, or that I’m surface level emotion bipolar*… wait, tri polar, is there such things as quad-polar, didn’t think so. All I’m saying is, give me more than two.

One minute I’m riding along and everything is fine and I’m like, dang body you’re looking good, yeah I’m smart, I got this. Life is moving right along and this all feels right, the next moment/week/day/hour I’m sitting here like WTF is happening? It’s not a total loss of control, it’s not feeling like a hot mess, it’s just wondering what, the actual firetruck, is going on? No seriously, is that a car fire? Why are we stopped in the middle of the day on a side street?

Been there? I feel like all the memes that talk about being a hot mess show that there are others out there who have it totally figured out one minute and then with a wind change they are left like, welp… maybe not.

Truth is, I’m in a pretty dang good spot. And somewhere deep inside this pisces brain of mine, I know it. And still the roller coaster rides on. I’m hoping this is part of the craziness of transitions.

It feels a little new and different than transitions in the past though. The strength of the positive side is not contrived this time. It’s not put together by scraps of quotes and a new shirt, it’s made of hour long talks once a week, digging deeper, facing the “ugly” and so much more. It’s backed by work and admitting to values and it’s getting stronger. So maybe the lizard brain/gremlins/whatever you want to call it/them are fighting to gain their control back and so it’s a seesaw in my mind, but if a seesaw had more than just to ends… I don’t even know how that would work.

Transitions are crazy guys. There’s a whole lot a good and a whole lot of readjusting and finding new footing. I’m excited right now and I’m sure in an hour I’ll remember something else and the scale will tip a little and some other emotion will jump on, tag the other one out but for right this second I’m good.

It’s kind of fun to think about it cartoon form when I’m not in the middle of it. Keeps the whole dang thing in perspective.



*I saw surface level emotion because I’m not hitting super low lows. I’m getting tired lows but not the crying on the floor wondering how to unzip my human skin suit and take a break lows. If you’ve never been there this won’t make sense, if you have, me too dude, meeee too.

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