Back in March I wrote this awesome post and I didn’t even really appreciate it at the time. In the moment I felt it but then I forgot about it and it is so worth reading over and over again, as a reminder. I had given myself a break, for a millisecond, I remember that break well. It felt wonderful. But it didn’t last long. The perfectionism grabbed on again and I went back to playing roles and attempting to make my life closely resemble movie montages.
The things I wrote in that post, they are still true, and a good portion of them are the exact things that keep coming up as I started exploring the unhappiness that I had been trying to fight. So here they are again, another reminder, I have permission.
to be exactly who I am.. even if that means being a little snippy, even if that means being down in the dumps and withdrawn. Even if that means totally excited about the weirdest shit. Whatever it means, permission granted.
to take a nap when my body is feeling tired, when the sun is shining in just right and my bed looks like a wonderland.
to speak up – and do it often. I’ve been so scared of hurting people’s feelings or asking for things that “I don’t deserve” that I’ve stayed quiet. I’ve talked myself out of deserving things before anyone else has a say. Time to speak up. Even if it’s quiet at first. Even if someone thinks I don’t deserve what I am asking for. Be respectful as much as possible, and speak up.
to eff up. It’s going to happen. Push past my dear.
to believe that the life I want is absolutely and totally possible. The pay I want is achievable and more than reasonable. The experiences I want to have are not unheard of. The places I want to go are easy to reach. The people that I want to meet exist. Believe when it seems impossible, believe when it seems maybe possible. Believe either way.
*to take breaks from self improvement books, blogs and other such reading materials. Sometimes they just add to the noise and give fuel to the critiques. Choose those types of reading materials carefully and sparingly. Everybody has an opinion, it doesn’t mean they are right.
*to stop being happy to make other people feel better. No more pressure to be happy to please other people. Forced or faked happiness is not happiness. Learn to feel the emotion you are in, happiness will make an appearance, especially if there is no pressure or expectation for it.
and, most importantly:
Find time to believe that life is an ultimately positive experience.