Entries from November 2015

Brain Dump

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Brain dump butwewillstay

It was a day of pleasantly surprising moments.

I won a raffle prize at a gift wrapping demonstration. I watched and listened for 15 minutes while they talked about how their products would make the holidays just a little easier, and how to make a seamless wrap job, and then, at the end, my name was called and I was given a $20 gift card.

Before today I didn’t really believe myself to be the winner of raffles, in fact before today I would get pretty grumpy about it. Something was different though. Earlier I easily found the perfect spot in a busy parking lot before my massage, and before the demonstration had begun I saw one of my favorite authors walk up to his wife who happened to be waiting to see the same demonstration. I smiled right at him, a big, open smile. I don’t do that very often these days. Another surprise.

So many thoughts and ideas running around in my head lately (always). It gets a little overwhelming. Sometimes I think I should take the month of December off blogging, then another part thinks I just need to start another secret one for my thoughts. Get them all out. But I have a journal for that. Nobody reads my journal though. What is this need to be writing for someone else?

I’m not getting existential I am always wondering what I am doing with this space, if I want to be doing it better, if it’s going to negatively affect my life if I show up more often, even more honest.

So far though, has anything bad come of sharing my thoughts here? I’ve met new friends, pushed myself slowly and surely to get better with editing photos, and it’s been my excuse to go keep putting myself out there and taking pictures that I feel too shy to take. The ones that make me seem like I stick out a bit in a crowd. But We Will Stay is not a business and wasn’t meant to be. Funny how that came out so certainly from my fingertips just now when I always figured I had been going back and forth.

So then what is it meant to be? It’s like I’m always worried this invisible judger is sitting just on the other side of the computer, ready to not hire me or not take me out on a date or something equally ridiculous because of a post I put up here.

I’ve been going to counseling sessions once a week lately. It’s been the best thing I’ve done for myself in a really, really long time. I don’t feel like I’m out of the woods of complete confusion yet, but I’m making progress, and the woods are thinning. The path is still covered in leaves and hard to find but the trek is a little more comfortable. In some ways I feel like I’m waking up parts of myself that have been asleep for a while, there’s a tingle and discomfort to sit through. I surprise myself with feelings or thoughts, like the smile earlier, so uninhibited.

I’m excited for this season. The twinkling lights, Christmas songs, and walks around busy malls. I’m ready for cozy nights by a decorated tree watching Christmas rom coms in sweats.

I still couldn’t tell you where I’m going next if you asked, but I could tell you I’m a little more willing to see, perhaps I’m even excited.

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Timing

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Schmidt & Cece - my faith resI wrote this post at about the same time as Fixed if that’s any indication of the variations of feelings I go through in any given week (okay, sometimes in a day… hour?)

Is it sad that I got all calm about my future for a second after watching the season finale of New Girl? Maybe. But I did. I sat there and watched my favorite couple finally do what they’ve been needing to do since the beginning and I realized, that’s just how it goes. It’s absolute crap and people are pulling you back and forth and sometimes you don’t even resist, and then life gets hard and sometimes harder but then, every once in a while, or sometimes all at once, things get better, and something totally right locks into place.

The characters in New Girl are all in their 30’s, all living with roommates, all questioning their careers. They are all still figuring it out. They are blissfully and sometimes painfully true to themselves and yes, they are all written that way, but still it’s about the most honest portrayal of late 20’s early 30’s I have seen in a while. Besides the loft in LA with the wages they probably make… that’s a stretch.

But the point is, I’m going to be okay. It may seem like a mess right now, I might seem too close to 30 for where my bank account, job, and relationship status are. I may be nothing like what my 12 year old self imagined I would be, but I’m going to be okay. I will find a job I wake up totally excited for, I will eventually watch as someone I love gets down on one knee (I’m not hunting for a ring, just like to believe it’s in my future), I will have a cat or a dog or a horse if I want one.

It’s going to be okay. It doesn’t feel like it now, but one day, it’s going to be okay. I just have to keep going and be (sometimes painfully) true to myself in the process.

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image from here

Instagram Love

Friday, November 20, 2015


amandasandlin 1@amandsandlin

kayleebanks@kayleebanks

robertnatale@robertnatale

_anchored@_anchored

loki_toki@loki_toki

danihampton@danihampton

While I usually have so many beautiful pictures that I’ve liked in the span of a couple weeks or a month, I am really liking this version of a post, sharing my most favorite few larger than a bunch very small. Another example of practicing essentialism maybe? So many ways to practice.

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Film Pt. II

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

7 copy

More film from the Olympus point and shoot. My trip to San Diego, the drive up to San Francisco and the Williamson County Fair. Perfectly imperfect and grainy as hell.

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Collected

Friday, November 13, 2015

IMG_8039

Not as many links this time around, I’m becoming more and more disenchanted with listicles and things and that seems to be the majority of what’s out there right now. So… here are some not quite listicles.

The most gorgeous of pictures, one day I would love to do a Wildbride photoshoot

Relevant always /// How to Stop Hating Yourself

An awesome take on the realities behind what’s going on with Blog /// Crusty Old Used Condoms

I’ve been working on this more, for a while I flaked out on every plan, now I either don’t plan or make myself go. I might be late, but I go. /// Flaking out Is Not Self Care

Busy busy busy work. /// You Really Don’t Need to Work So Much

Ask Polly is my favorite current advice columnist. /// How Am I Suppose to Make Friends In My Late 20’s

I love this post from Sara Von Bargen, you can make your tagline about lofty goals but ultimately your business and making money can be about you. ///  You Can Be Your Business’s Why

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