Entries from January 2015

Nashville Four Months In

Saturday, January 31, 2015

IMG_7311Can you believe I’ve been here four whole months? Four months. The days are slipping by and faster than I know it, I will have been here six months. I promised myself at least a year, at least a year in this new space, no matter what the feelings are through month three or seven or even nine. I’m good with that decision still. I’m fine with it and I’m also scared that it’s going so fast, and that I’m not doing enough.

I’ll admit Nashville not what I expected it to be. When I first moved here I expected lots of country music everywhere, cowboy boots, baseball caps and big trucks with single guys my age driving around. Thinking about it now, I am a bit embarrassed to admit I expected Nashville to be something out of a Luke Bryan or Jason Aldean party song. 

Even more important, or maybe the real issue: my life, (which happens to be) in Nashville, is not what I expected it to be. I had some pretty grand schemes and life overhauls in mind when I dreamed of this place. Blank slates are so enticing and Nashville promised the blankest. 

Sometimes I forget that it’s my job to sweep myself off my feet. I get tired or frustrated or I take a look at the ex’s instagram page and see a tiny snapshot of his life and make these grand assumptions of how he’s doing so much better than me, so much better without me.

But that’s no fault of Nashville. And for the most part I’ve done a really good job of not holding anything against this new home of mine. Nashville has done it’s part to be the best it can be of itself.

Nashville wasn’t the only variable when I moved. I didn’t just move to Nashville as others generally do. I didn’t have a job, friends or lover here. I started from scratch. I moved to Nashville with a need to do some serious digging into who I am and what I want for my future. I moved to Nashville after my first long relationship ended with a heart still processing. I moved to Nashville with very few plans and oh so many hopes. 

What I am trying to say is: Nashville is a place, and it has some great things I have yet to explore. And I am in this really messy part of my life, messy because there’s just so much I’m thinking about, so many variables and aspects of my life to grow, and I am having a hard time defining and focusing, or believing I can define and focus. But I’m here, and I’m doing it. I’m pushing through the pressure between the temples, I’m asking the questions over and over and when I have no answers, nothing I feel proud of, I’m still here. I am here in Nashville and I’m working two opposite schedules and not getting to see much, but I am making an effort. I’m here, and it’s four months in, and I’m hoping at 8 months my story will look a little different. I’m working to make my view, 8 months in, a little different.

But right now, I’m here, as is, and I have no regrets. My life feels nothing close to fairy tale perfect, and I find myself frustrated more than joyful, but I truly believe that I made the right choice moving here.

Nothing is ever as I expect. I must be my own Prince Charming. Nashville will be the venue in which I sweep myself off my feet.

xoxo

Currently/Lately

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Processed with VSCOcam with hb1 preset

Lately I’ve been…

Proud of: The website I created for myself. It still has some tweaks that need to be administered but it’s a gorgeous start! See it here.

Some of the work I’ve been doing with my day job. Rewriting/reworking policies, processes and procedures, assisting with rebranding and some other things. Really using a part of my brain that I didn’t realize I missed. Gaining some good insight.

Reading: (It’s been a couple months so there’s a few)
The Compound Effect – Darren Hardy
20,000 Days – Robert D. Smith
Landline – Rainbow Rowell
Four – Veronica Roth
Elements of Style (really I just paged through the pretty pictures) – Erin Gates
Yes Please – Amy Poehler

Cooking: Not much lately. Feeling a bit stuck.

Watching: Hart of Dixie

Working on: Practicing gratitude, pushing through the feelings that usually stop me from making progress, changing my narrative

Listening to: Country… all the time

Looking forward to: My little trip to San Diego. I’m ready for a little warmth, a California burrito and putting my toes in the sand.

Avoiding: This blog, obviously. I’ve written about it many times, my feelings, my possible reasons for avoidance. It’s possible that I still don’t have a clear why for having it. It’s possible, or it’s absolutely true. What am I posting for? I feel like I should be posting, I like a completed post but I rarely know what I want to post about or what I should post about or anything else. I know what kinds of blogs I love to follow, but I don’t feel like saying the same ol’ thing. So we’ll see. I make absolutely no promises about this space other than I’ll do what I want, when I want, how I want. And I’ll make it look pretty when I do.

xoxo

Below Freezing

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

unnamed

When people ask me why I moved to Nashville my fast answer is that I wanted something different. California definitely has it’s perks… like a drive up the whole entire coast, and warm days just about year round… but I was wanting to experience something different. I wanted more of an idea of what seasons meant.

Looking back I think I just wanted a perpetual Fall and Spring. BUT, I’m here! And it didn’t get above 30 today, in fact it didn’t get above 26 I don’t think. And for the first time ever, I drove in a snow flurry!

Most of the weather thus far hasn’t thrown me. When people come into my work complaining about the rain I just smile. I wonder where they’ve been their whole lives because that’s what happens everywhere but San Diego. It rains. But today… today I’ll admit I used the word miserable to describe how it felt outside. I was bundled in my sleeping bag like, down filled, jacket with an extra layer or two underneath and when I first stepped outside all was fine, and then the wind found me.

I think there is definitely something positive to be said about ignorance when you are embarking on a new adventure. Had I known what cold really felt like maybe I would have talked myself out of coming here. If I had known that my expensive down jacket still wasn’t always going to keep me toasty… I might have hesitated. I’m scared to see how I melt in the summer.

But I’m here, and I’m going to learn how to get through it. And I’m definitely going to dream of San Diego winter. And I am also going to enjoy the days where boots, a scarf, a sweater and a thick jacket keep me warm. I loved the weeks of leaves changing, I am ready to experience more in the surrounding states. I LOVED my New Years in this town.

I don’t know that there was much point to this other than to remember this day when I survived temperatures that ranged from 5-26 degrees and that I drove in a snow flurry. But here it is.

Oh yes, and I took a picture or two of a snow flake. There’s definitely some magic to be found in that.

Now if someone could just overnight me a California burrito….

xoxo

 

2015 Manifesto

Sunday, January 4, 2015

This year I, Corey, will…

Focus on the feelings I want to feel and how to make more of them. I want to feel healthy, excited about life, grateful, adventurous/brave and invested.

Find the good- This coming year I want to find a healthy, self loving  and positive mind space. This means practicing gratitude for the obviously great situations as well as those that irritate from time to time. This means learning skills I want to learn instead of telling myself I can’t do something. It means focusing on what I am good at more than my gaps from perfection.

Slow down – This is also about living more in the moment. Read books slower, take time in between tasks, breathe, and practice gratitude. Take a look at my goals, celebrate victories small and large, reroute my path if necessary, acknowledge where I am at and keep finding the good.

Be selective – with the books I read, the blogs I follow, the people I put my heart into and what I spend my time on. When I start investing in a person, place or thing I will monitor how that noun REALLY make me feel. If it’s anything less than healthy, excited, adventurous and/or loved, I will drop it. If I’m not connecting to it, I’ll leave it.

Explore – Nashville and surround cities and state. Also explore interests or curiosities that I have had but never made time for. Explore moods and feelings to get a better sense of why I am feeling the way I feel so I can either create more of it or change.

Break through my self held limitations – I am athletic, I know how to make money, I am whole, I’m am capable, I am beautiful, I am worthy. This is the real script to live by. Anything that says otherwise can stay in years past.

 xoxo

the idea for this manifesto came from here

Development by Brandi Bernoskie + Morgan Woroner