Entries from August 2014

Lovely Links

Friday, August 29, 2014

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It’s Friday and I have links!!! The picture above? From a morning walk I took this week. Quite smitten with waking up earlier, I tell ya. It will be interesting to see if I am even able to sleep in on this long weekend. Maybe until 7:30 a.m.!

Another reformed Night Owl’s take on a morning routine.

To-do lists are evil, and other tips to combat the lazy /// How to Stop Being Lazy and Get More Done

Let hard things be hard… and other lessons that will make living with my brain a little easier /// How to Keep Moving Forward, Even When Your Brain Hates You

I wonder if I would spend less money if I didn’t have to work 40 hours to support myself. /// Your Lifestyle Has Already Been Designed

How freeing would it be if I could consider my “should’s” as arrogance and let them go. /// Dear Sugar: Write Like a Motherfucker
“The most fascinating thing to me about your letter is that buried beneath all the anxiety and sorrow and fear and self-loathing, there’s arrogance at its core. It presumes you should be successful at 26, when really it takes most writers so much longer to get there.

I’ve started getting up earlier again (though not quite as early as my high school years) now maybe I’ll do this /// Why You Should Structure Your Work Day On a High School Schedule

I’ve been considering a self-improvement sabbatical for a little bit, this might also be a good idea///Want to Get Unstuck? Maybe Stop Analyzing It.

Definitely started to worry about the negative affects of sitting in an office chair all day/// How to Fit Fitness Into Your Workday

Good for a group or by yourself /// 7 Things You Should Never Say When Brainstorming

Have a great weekend! Stay safe and comfy.

 xoxo

 

Morning: A Budding Romance

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

wake up earlyimage shared from here

Oh mornings! How I love you in theory. Your soft light, the stillness, the quiet. The memories of being the only one awake with grandpa, eating our oatmeal on the porch of that big old house in Lake Isabella. Oh Mornings.

I’m making this theory of morning love a practice lately. I’ve been getting up well before I need to. I allow myself time in bed to look through social media feeds. I know those aren’t the habits of the most productive person, but my feeds aren’t that full so I exhaust them pretty quick and either turn to writing, baking or lunch making before I start to get ready for work.

I’m laying the foundation for new habits by waking up earlier and I’m really enjoying it. I thought I was a night owl through and through, but with a little determination and some time monitoring the seemingly impossible is happening. I am waking up far before noon on weekends, enjoying the early light streaming in my window. I am waking up before 7 on weekdays (sometimes only 15 minutes but it’s a start) and thinking calmly about my day. I am coming home earlier from hang outs so that I can get enough sleep.

I have to say, I am proud of myself for this shift. I can’t wait to start adding a little routine. Maybe meditation, maybe writing, maybe a walk, maybe some photo editing, blog posting, who knows, I now have some time and it’s all mine. No “shoulds” allowed. Just calm.

xoxo

Just Ask

Friday, August 22, 2014

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found here

Lately I’ve been realizing some of the grown up skills that I need to start working on. One that has been coming up frequently is knowing how to ask for what I want. At 28 I’m finally starting to learn this skill more than just hinting and beating around the bush and hoping the people I am aiming the want at will get the point.

All through school I had been rewarded for being quiet, for not taking up too much space, for knowing the answers and not asking too many questions, for not challenging authority figures. It was reinforced day after day, year after year, that being a good girl, and being quiet and unassuming was great. The meek shall inherit the earth they say. Girls are to be seen and not heard… and even though that’s been changed a bit females are still put down for being heard too frequently.

When I was young I skirted around asking for whatever I wanted. My mom would buckle eventually under hints but my dad just hate it. “Just ask for what you want!” And then he would first say no. I wasn’t bold enough, or maybe my birth order was too high, to ask again. I would cringe when my siblings later would ask for things again and again, testing my father’s patience. But then, guess what, they ended up getting what they wanted. The questions that were met with absolute, fighting, no’s became yeses and I was just sitting back wondering how that could be.

I thought not bugging people was the way to get them to like you, to give you want you want. I thought not going past the no was respectful, and respect was something that seemed really important. But actions were telling me different, and when I started realizing that my habits were already too ingrained and I was too afraid of no. It’s taken me many, many years to get to a point where I am learning how to ask for things. I’m in the baby steps, very beginning phase.

I’m working on this because I’ve learned that most employers won’t give me the most they can afford right off the bat, my friends don’t just know how I want them to treat me, or that I want them to invite me to anything and everything. I’m working on this so I can be a better communicator, a more fulfilled version of me so that I can be better in my relationships. I have learned, sometimes the hard way, that boyfriends are not these magical creatures, kinda like unicorns, that just get me, and know what I want and how to talk to me, comfort me, touch me, kiss me, etc. I have to ask for what I want, and I have to be clear.

So far, with my low risk trials and tribulations in the asking for what I want arena I’ve learned a couple things. Not only is it important to ask for what you want, but I’ve also learned that when you do ask, there are still things that can inhibit getting what you want. They look a little like this:

1) Lack of clarity. When asking the Universe, your parents, employer, significant other, hook up, butcher, for what you want clarity is key!
You are more likely to get a no, or something you don’t want if:
– you don’t exactly know yourself
– you’re not asking in a way the potential giver will understand
– you are afraid to ask for exactly what you want so you beat around the bush, hint or otherwise

2) No push past the first “no” and/or don’t bargain

3) The request/want isn’t framed into a mutually beneficial arrangement(parents, employers, teachers, etc)

Lack of clarity is my biggest challenge currently. My mind is swirling with ideas of what I want and I’m having a hard time focusing on one thing to work and ask the Universe for. Some days it’s a new place to live, others it’s a new job, yet others it’s a car that I don’t have to worry about and that has a way to connect my phone. Some wishes and wants are smaller, and some are larger.

In my exploration of what I want and my challenges with asking I’ve realized that I get a good percent of what I want. When I don’t it’s usually because I’m wishy washy in knowing the specifics. The idea, the question, the request isn’t fully formed.

That’s what I’m going to be working on. Fully forming my wishes, my asks, my questions of the Universe/friends/future lovers/employers etc. Clarity seems to be key. And after that, maybe I’ll get a little braver, and start going past the first no!

What lessons have you learned about asking for what you want?

xoxo

 

Topic inspired by: Asking for What You Want.

Lately

Friday, August 8, 2014

Learning: How to edit photos in Lightroom. Really excited about this. Finally, finally starting to figure out how to get my photos a little boost!

Reading: Just finished Year of No Sugar which definitely blew my mind and started worrying me. I am a sugar-a-holic and even on days I think I don’t eat that much turns out I do. Because it’s in everything. Time to start making my own bread I think. No sugar needed in homemade bread. I have a couple other books checked out from the library but I’m not sure what is next. Going to scale back heavily on anything self improvement oriented as I am no longer using it for good, just as more ammunition against myself as examples of what else I could be doing better. Fiction and memoirs please.

Watching: Pretty Little Liars, every Tuesday. I’m sure I’ve said it before, at least on FB… I am addicted to this show, but I wonder, every single episode, why these girls keep going into dark houses and forests by themselves when people are getting killed. Seriously ladies. AND, just go tell the police. My friend did remind me the police are not fully trustworthy, but still. So many more issues than necessary. I started following Troian Bellisario on instagram because on her free time she trains in silks. Rad, rad, rad. At the same studio she also trains in self defense and it makes me want to go to the studio and train too. Thinking about starting Orphan Black or Masters of Sex. Watched the Pilot of Masters and loved it. But couldn’t find the second episode for free.

Saw: Wish I Was Here. Loved it. Not surprised.

Listening/Dancing/Singing in the car to:
I want u – Alison Wonderland
Adrenalize – In This Moment
Dust – Eli Young Band
Crazy Town – Jason Aldean (foreshadowing here)
Young In America – Danielle Bradberry
Partition – Beyonce
Bend Ova – Lil Jon

Stressing about: My life a month from now. Big changes underway (see foreshadow for clue). Very, nervous. I want to push the nervousness to the side and be excited. Working on that.

Excited for: Portland this weekend!!! Going to go see the Oregon coast FINALLY. Lived there about 3 years total and never went to see the coast. Unacceptable! Also excited for seeing best friends, getting a cupcake from Saint Cupcake, getting tattooed from my friend Lisa who just got her license!!!!, getting a donut from Voodoo, going to Sinferno, and being back among the trees.

xoxo

 

Look Again

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Monday Motivation

This… I must remember this daily. Things that I think are too hard, things that I think will take too long, things that I think I will immediately fail at all deserve a second look.

Past week’s example: I was about to slip out of a dance performance because I had planned nothing and I hadn’t picked a song. I had, a few weeks earlier, decided that I don’t like choreographing, I like moving how I want to move when I feel the music. So really the excuse of nothing planned was lame, and so, the Universe called me out. I whined and wondered how the heck I was going to do it. I didn’t even have a song! I need a song to do well! There were a couple songs that felt okay, but nothing I felt excited about. Nothing that I wanted to listen to at least 40 times in three days before the performance. I fretted and whined some more and then, wouldn’t you know, that darn Universe answered what I didn’t even know to be a prayer… I talked to my friend about something else entirely and she mentioned a song. I listened to that song and wouldn’t you know, it was exactly what I had been looking for.

Thank you Universe. You often kick my butt so sweetly.

I was to perform.

Saturday I performed sans real plans though I did go through possibilities about three full times before the performance. I had a blast. I listened to the music, I moved the way I wanted to and then I played to the crowd when I felt like I might loose momentum. I’m a bit of a performer. In fact, give me the right elements and I’m a performer through and through. The music goes off, I’m slightly awkward and goofy again, but the music on, something clicks.

So why oh why did I think I didn’t want to do the performance? I was sure when I was sitting there with no song, and even with a song, that I didn’t fully want to do it. That I was going to make a fool of myself.

Wouldn’t you know, universe had my back and my brain was lying to me. What I really didn’t want was to be bad. I didn’t want the crowd to wonder why I got up in front of them. I didn’t want to be a bad dancer and then have to go through the self flagellation being wrong when I use to think I was a good dancer.

I’m glad I got the nudges to look again, and to push through. I told myself that even if I messed up horribly that at least I tried and I could start making a list of things I failed at, not to punish myself with, but to show that I am putting myself out there more, doing more.

I went to bed that night really proud of myself. For getting out there. For chancing failure. For doing what I really love to do.

I’m going to look a little closer any time I feel like I don’t want to do something I generally enjoy. It might just be a defense mechanism. It might not be that hard.

 

xoxo

 

 

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