finding new albums to listen to on repeat // talking to my new plants // driving with the windows down and the music loud // re-reading some of your favorite books and half remembering half forgetting what happens // good times with friends from work // new perfume // finally doing something I’ve been meaning to for a while // having good days despite everything // feeling the weightlessness of knowing that I’m better off this way then in the pseudoship I was in before // emails with people far away // a new shirt that makes the whole day just a little better // standing on the edge and taking it all in //
Entries from April 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
I think it’s been a theme here that I feel like time is slipping away. And I read these blogs that take beautiful pictures of simple day to day things, that give space for the great in their days, in their weeks. I see Elise doing her Around Here and Project Life posts and I just want to have enough experiences each week to fill two pages. More than just, I went to work, I came home, I slept, I ate. Next week!
Here’s to making the effort to document more, to remember more, and to enjoy more.
Zeus sitting as regal as the statue behind him // new succulents, especially this one with tiny flowers and the beautiful wood background // writing in my new, brightly colored moleskin notebook and listening to an album that was nothing like I expected but has grown to be amazing
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
I read a book* recently (I’m surprised more of my conversations don’t start with that line) about a man who realized his life wasn’t that good of a story. It wasn’t a bad one, per say, it just wasn’t good. It wasn’t doing him any favors and nobody would want to watch the thing if it were a movie…
So he did something about it. Less for the movie aspect, and more for the having a life worth living side.
That synopsis doesn’t sound nearly as deep as it feels in my head, but we’ll get there, stick with me.
So, as I was reading this story I found myself relating to certain parts (as we do when we find what we think is a good story) and almost wanting to cry. This could be because I seem to have a surplus of tears lately, or it could be because what was being said held some weight, some deep and significant relevance to my life.
I picked up the book any time I could, I spent hours in beach parking lots reading by the light of the setting sun… well, maybe two hours, three tops… but you get the point. It was a good scene to read a book with weight and meaning.
I am in this story, and I’ve created it, I’m suppose to be creating it… or maybe something else is. Something that I refer to as Mother Nature or the Universe or the system and what he refers to as God… is writing this story, and it’s not without conflict, and for some reason I expect it to be. For some reason I feel like a lot of us expect this created, blessed life to be without hardship, maybe not those who hit hard and wised up a bit… but some of us hit hard and ran. I’ll raise my hand and admit it… hard hit several times and I thought things were suppose to be relatively easy so I ran, thinking the next place might be easier, or the last place, or back to the second place… or back to home again. Nothing was easier. I was still there, plots still have to thicken and the resolve of the main character has to have strength.
I’m in a moment of high conflict in my story right now. And I want to run. But I know I don’t have anywhere that I can go for long. And I know that the only way to come out of this better than before is to go through. I’m wincing just thinking about it, but my struggles are really not so bad. When I sit back and think, and compare to other plights, I realize I’m living a pretty basic life.
So maybe I’m not wanting hard or big enough, maybe I’m not working hard or big enough. Maybe I’ve exhausted the inner work projects and need to find some outer work projects to bring new life to my story. Because right now it’s sad, and not pretty. My story is looking on the shabby side and there’s no chic involved. My life hurts almost daily, it feels unstable… I often want to take a break from myself. Being sedated sounds like a great option if I wasn’t so adverse to drugs, prescribed or not.
But that’s not how this goes, that’s not how this gets better. If I keep avoiding or running the problem section, the conflict might go away for a bit, but it’s not gone, it’s just waiting. It’s another test and this time it really needs me to get through. Correction, I really need me to get through.