Entries from March 2013

52 Dishes: Dishes 11 and 12

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

This week I made two dishes… there are no rules anymore. I started with healthy… and just a twist on something I’ve already been doing. Cooking meat in tin foil packets. This time the meat was chicken, and the sauce bbq. I then put this chicken on top of some rice and added some green beans and done. Dish number 11. Chicken recipe found here.
While the chicken was a cookin I was putting the pepper or rice away and found myself face to face with an oatmeal cookie recipe that did not call for raisins. Good job recipe, there’s nothing I dislike more than raisins in my supposed cookies. Seriously. 
It did call for nuts though and I wasn’t interested in nuts in my oatmeal cookies either so I subbed in some chocolate chips. I mean, duh. Delicious.
I have no recipe to link to for these. It was just on a Ralph’s brand quick oatmeal box. They ended up pretty delicious despite the wacked out oven I use. I have to put it on convection all or it will not work. I am pretty sure that’s why things don’t take the time recipes say they will and my cookies always end up a little too hard after they cool. 
But I’m making due. And keeping up with the schedule. I definitely cheated one week and made like 4 new things… but like I said, NO RULES! 
What have you made lately?

the dawn of twenty seven

Monday, March 18, 2013

Last year I did a 26 things about me post for my birthday. This year I don’t have 27 new things, but I have some points to hit on. Some serious, some just random. Fitting for the mood of this new year. Maybe next year I will find 28 new things to write about, maybe I’ll even have 28 experiences in my 27th year… a girl can dream. But until then, here’s what’s going on now.

– I have always loved to read, always will. My interests have shifted slightly over the last two years though. I can’t seem to get enough self improvement in. I use to read fiction and fiction alone… but now I default to stories of people’s lives and how they improved them and what I guess you could call how to manuals.

– Sometimes I like spelling out numbers.

– I shoot guns, my aim is decent, I’m getting better with every visit to the range.

– I don’t ever want to have to point a gun at somebody, I do want to be an excellent shot. Yay paper targets!

– I have a hard time being bad at anything. I also have a hard time just doing something for fun, if I can improve at it, I will try to, and then if I don’t improve fast enough I will default to frustration… I’m working on it.

– I have left over anxiety about things with wheels that don’t also have seatbelts and/or rollbars. By this I mean rollerblades and bikes.

– I wax and wane between liking and loathing myself. I’m so grateful for the friends I have. No matter how low I am, they won’t be talked out of liking me. It honestly blows my mind. And I’m learning to say thank you instead of understanding it.

– feeling a little raw around the edges due to circumstances all in a row. I will get through this, sometimes I just feel like I’m in survival mode, one foot in front of the other, one minute at a time.

– I’m often hesitant to put too much positivity into the world, it feels like when I do that lately I jinx it, and then something else not so great happens. It’s very similar to how I never use to write about a guy if we were starting to talk or things seemed decent… because as soon as I did it would go south.

– I’m learning that my superstitions… like the one above… may have been coincidences, not rules. I’ve started writing about these interests regardless, and while the current adventure hasn’t been flawless, it also hasn’t hit a dead end.

– At the dawn of 27 I’m feeling a little stuck. A bit like I’m out of ideas. My previous methods of coping have been outed as unhealthy and just not helpful… like picking up and moving when things start getting tough and I start feeling sad. If I were to think of this in a positive way (which I am attempting as much as possible these days) I would say that this is going to make way for something new… a new way of handling stress, a new way of handling sadness… or maybe just a way of handling it… nothing new, because before I wasn’t handling it so much as putting it off for later. But now it’s later and temporary solutions are no longer what I seek.

Here, at the dawn of twenty seven, I am learning how to allow myself to dream. Big dreams, small dreams, pipe dreams even. Dreams that can turn into goals, and then be sought after. Or dreams that just need a little bit of savings to make reality.
I want to be better than I was yesterday, last month, and last year. I want to be just a little bit healthier, a little bit happier, and a little more positive.
Minute by minute, hour by hour, week by week, month by month until we see twenty eight.


52 Dishes: Dishes 6-9 and a nice try for 10

Monday, March 18, 2013

It’s been a while. I’ve slacked on posting. I’ve been totally unmotivated… but some cooking did happen! Despite the frustrations and some of the pity parties I threw myself, dishes still got made. If that’s not an accomplishment and proof of growth for me, sheesh, I don’t know what is. 😉
I’m going to start with pictures of my favorite two dishes from around the time I was cooking them. A kale salad with a homemade lemon dressing and some oatmeal “cookies.” They weren’t really cookies, more like a chewy bar of sorts, but they were decent. 
The chewy bumps as I am now going to call them, came from this recipe. The lemony kale, chickpea and avocado salad was mostly from this recipe. The chewy bumps didn’t quite harden like cookies, not that my cookies are hard, just that they aren’t chewy bar like… and so they were a little strange. Didn’t stop me from eating them though. Super simple, two ingredients to start and add whatever you want after. Not too bad.
The salad was delicious. I like kale a good amount, I always forget.

Speaking of kale… this dish was somewhat inspired by this recipe.
The pasta is a rice pasta because I tried going gluten less for a split second. But that’s not the issue with my stomach. So I went back to gluten.

And then for a second I left kale and went to arugula… it’s too bitter, but this simple dish of pine nuts, arugula and pasta wasn’t so bad. Even made myself a little balsamic dressing.

My nice try goes a little like this… I saw a picture of some delicious looking waffles… the blog post about these waffles can be found here. And I thought we had a waffle iron at the house I live in so I came home thinking I would make some gluten free, almond flour waffles. I wanted to be adventurous, and I was trying to be gluten less at that time. First problem… I got almond meal, not almond flour. Second problem… what I thought was a waffle iron was really a tortilla heater/maker. I was not to be complete discouraged (and even briefly thought of making tortilla iron waffles…yeah…) and decided I would just make pancakes with this mixture instead.
I think they would have turned out just fine if it had been almond flour instead of almond meal. They were just a little too… well, mealy…
Honey and maple syrup helped a bit, but unfortunately not enough. So that dish was one that just did not happen really. Am I going to count it? Yes…yes I am. I tried it and persevered through problems. It counts.

It’s probably not hard to tell, I don’t really stick exactly to recipes. I have been making stuff I want to learn how to make and getting a little creative along the way. Sometimes it works… sometimes it just falls a little flat. But I will say that I’m trying and learning and that’s what the purpose of the project was. That and eating at home more.
So far, pretty good.


grateful when I don’t want to be

Sunday, March 17, 2013

found in the vortex of lost photo credit: aka tumblr

I’m in a real funk lately. Like, staring at a wall or the ceiling or the backs of my eyelids because I can’t bring myself to do anything else when I’m not working kind of funk. 
But there’s only so much sleep I can get, and there are so many tumblrs to peruse for yet another saying to get me through another day. 
They don’t last long for me, maybe a couple of days and then it feels like hogwash, but I guess I can revel in those couple of days and then search for new ones when the magic fades.
Todays is above. The things I take for granted are the things someone else is praying for.
The pessimistic part of me says something to the affect of, why would anyone pray for this… and then, deep down, through the pessimists gritted teeth, comes the realistic, and some days, even the optimist.
I’m trying to find her now.
So what in my life could people be praying for? What am I taking for granted?
This list is in no order of importance. 
– my health. yes, it’s in the pooper right now, and everything seems to be happening at once and I can’t get my intestines to work like they use to, before November, BUT I also don’t have to take handfuls of pills to get through a day, pills that I know are going to bring on some awful side effects, but I have to continue to take them because the overall benefit is potentially better. I’m taking for granted the lack of need for medicine. If I’m being logical the fact of the matter is what can be realigned will be eventually and what I’m saddled with forever could be much worse.
– my family. I don’t ever mean to take them for granted. And even when I’m my darkest I know that I care about them so much, and I love them and they love and believe in me. I don’t know why, but they do. So I’ll just say thank you. (#4) Because I decided that was one of my truths. I don’t think I take them for granted as much as I use to. I think I’ve grown here. I hope I’ve grown here. Even when I want to trade my mind and my skin and just about everything else there’s always that, oh wait, but then my family wouldn’t be mine. And that’s just not an option.
– my hair. maybe that’s vain, I don’t care. I appreciate it’s color but sometimes I don’t realize how different it is. I just think it’s a thing, because I’ve been living with it my whole life. It just takes time to get use to anything.
– my computer, my toys, my gadgets. I spend some time worrying about what I want to get next and sometimes forget what I have. I love my cameras. Is love a strong word for an object? What about an object that helps you try to capture beautiful things? No my laptop is not the latest and greatest, but it gets the job done, she turns on, she is of necessary speed on the internet, I can make these blogs and read others, I could even start learning photoshop or indesign if I so chose. someone who did not have cameras or a sewing machine or a computer or a bed or my phone for that matter might just be praying for even just access to these things. 
– my mind. this is a hard one. I fight my own mind at every turn, or sometimes (many times) I give in and I don’t like the reality I create. I feel so stuck in here, I want out. But maybe someone is praying for a mind like this. Who knows.
– my eyes. to read, to watch, to capture memories… my eyes that see things that others might not. my eyes that get to take in things that I do and don’t have. my eyes that appreciate my idea of beauty.
– my education. I brush it off a lot because it’s just a Communication degree but the fact of the matter is I enjoyed those classes. I enjoyed that time I spent on it. I wasn’t there taking Comm because it was easy. It’s not easy. Communication, actual communication, interpersonal, group or mass is not easy, it’s complicated, it incorporates psychology, sociology and health. There’s a lot to communication, and those who think it’s easy probably aren’t always doing it right. Not to say I am, ohhhh no. But at least I have a better idea of how to say things in delicate situations. 
I guess I don’t really need to justify it here. But the point is, some people don’t get to go to college right after high school, they don’t have anybody that saved money for it. I had both. And I enjoyed my classes. I think it’s fair to say that some people pray for those kinds of things.
– my bed. it’s comfortable, it has blankets on it, sometimes I get too hot, but some people don’t get beds to sleep on or enough blankets. so, another thing to be grateful for.
– my jobs. ugh. I don’t want to be thankful for having to commute between three, but I do have three. And sometimes they even pay the bills… most of the time, especially when extra doctors bills aren’t popping up. Not only do I have three jobs, but I have bosses that care about me at all three. For that I am very, very fortunate. 
– my friends. I don’t know why they are my friends. But thank you. 
There’s more, there will always be more. But I’m tired and I need rest.

a question

Friday, March 15, 2013

I would start today, I would start today little or small. I would start so that a year from now I wouldn’t wish that I had started and didn’t.
My question is… what? What am I suppose to start? What am I suppose to change? I’ve moved back and forth when things have seemed stale, I’ve tried new career paths, I’ve read new types of books. I’ve held back feelings and let them fly free. I don’t know what I’m suppose to start anymore. 
Am I just suppose to start anything? 
Am I suppose to start doing a cartwheel a day or writing a page a day or what? 
I’ve started writing 750 words a day, I started that over 55 days ago. 
Am I suppose to drink less soda and more water every day? 
I started that back in January. 
And then I know some will say it’s not what I am “suppose” to start, but what I want to start and the fact of the matter is I don’t have anything I want to start that I haven’t started and don’t know where else to go with. I’ve started taking more pictures, I’ve started learning more about my camera, I’ve started writing daily, sometimes more than once daily, I’ve started working on my breathing. 
Am I already started? Is this saying for people that haven’t started anything? Or is there still something I’m missing. Because these past three months have me feeling like I’ve definitely been missing something I am suppose to be doing. That I’ve messed up somehow. 
So what am I suppose to start? Because what I’ve started before just isn’t it.

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