Entries from October 2012

52 photos in 52 weeks: week 43

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

week 43: beautiful. filled with grace. heavy and light.


52 photos in 52 weeks: Week 42

Thursday, October 25, 2012

week 42: There have been a few absolutely breathtaking sunsets recently, and on one of those days I had just gotten off of work, less than a mile away from the beach. So off I went to sit and enjoy.
These are just two of the pictures I took that day. I love how the bright the sun made the rocks. No filters on the picture on the left. The one on the right I think I put through the VSCO Cam app.

I plan on visiting this beach quite frequently, though I will be missing the sunsets after a couple more weeks. They will be too early. The price we pay for Fall and Winter.


The Fire Starter Sessions – Purge the Past and Glory Boarding

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Despite wanting to keep each of the worksheets separate, life came in again and this week was mostly about hanging out with friends after work and getting acquainted with my new place. Luckily these two worksheets go hand in hand… so here we go a couple days late but still full of truth and heart:

Purging the Past is about getting rid of those unresolved feelings, the ones that pop up during your thoughts of the current and the future. The ones that make you doubt. Purge it, acknowledge it, ruminate for a second or two and then it’s time for Glory Boarding… looking to the same past, but the good parts, the things I did well, doesn’t matter if I was 5 or 25 when it happened, acknowledge it, gain strength from it and let’s go!

You can’t face forward until you’ve processed your past.

Think about your three favorite screwups. 

Not putting myself out there enough to screw up majorly…
Letting doubt control my decisions. 
What did you learn?
I’m learning that there’s something to be said for failing. I’m looking back and wondering what I have to show, even if I screwed up I would have a lot of work to show before the screw up happened. I’ve had small setbacks, but I’ve never put myself out there enough to have room to fall that far.

Can you see a pattern from the lessons you learned?
A lack of push once things get rough, a shut down in the mind. I stopped wanting my first passion after I turned it into a failure in my head. Looking at it now, I’m not sure it was, more bad timing and eventually a burn out of the passion. It happens. 
How did what you learned change the way you approach things?
It’s time to put a little (lot) more heart in it, a little more of me. Time to allow passion and hope to flow again, not to keep it bottled and safe so that I don’t get hurt. Turns out disappointment still comes up even with a protected heart.
Now it’s time to Glory Board…
Create a resume of wonder, what have you done well in your life. Go back as far as you want… use the prompts, etc.

launched: this blog and a couple of others…
earned: money to pay rent, buy clothes, buy food, get tattoos…
graduated: cum laude from Portland State, with honors from SDA
wrote: a short piece about one of my sisters, this blog, wrote some awesome essays over the years
raised: my standards, my confidence level
traveled: to Argentina with a group of people I didn’t know and spoke Spanish to strangers. 
motivated: myself to move out
bought: the art on my arm and foot… there will be more
made: Four (+) blankets for my friends and their babies.
organized: my friend’s garage, my room countless times, local band shows
– booked a show, all by myself, that brought 300 people to the Epicentre. That show led to the next show with the same band that sold out. 
– was a part of a 100% A+ paper where we, as a group, dissected a piece of media… the paper was selected for a conference and published in the anthology
my thoughts: These kinds of exercises are very difficult for me. I have trouble thinking of things I have done well in my life. Everything seems so average to me. Yes I had good grades all through high school and college… but so did a lot of other people. I’ve moved to Portland twice, one time I had to move out of the comfortable apartment I had with my best friend of the time to an apartment I found on craigslist, before finding that one I spent an afternoon riding the bus everywhere in 30 degree temperatures looking at places that were sketchy. Not only that but I ended up walking a good 15 blocks at the end of the day, in that cold, because the guy at the bus stop I was at was smoking in the little shelter and I just didn’t want to wait for the bus. I mean, it’s not like we don’t all have hard-ish times to get through, but remembering those kinds of days makes me realize I have a little more fight in me, a little more wherewithal than I give myself credit for. Sometimes you just do it because there really is no other option, even if it is way colder than you have ever experience before and even if there’s a creepy man at the bus stop smoking where he isn’t suppose to. 
Even if.


The Fire Starter Sessions and all included worksheets were written and created by Danielle LaPorte

New Home!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

This weekend was a busy, busy one! I worked all three jobs between Friday and Saturday… Saturday was a 12 hour day… and then Sunday was moving day. I have this thing where I can’t just move the boxes into a room and leave it, I need to get a system or a set up going so I can figure out where everything goes. I did that, and unpacked a good amount of my stuff on Sunday.

I’m really excited about how it is looking and feeling. My room has a lower ceiling (and window) in the back half of the room, the front half has regular size ceilings and a closet… I HAVE A CLOSET!!! I’m sorry, just needed to get excited about that for a second, I’ve been without one for almost a year now. It’s nice to have doors to slide closed and have more room to walk around in. And as you can see in the picture on the right, I have a reading spot!

The room was pretty clean on Monday but I still had stuff to pick up from my mom’s. So today it’s not quite how I want it yet. But there will be a (very short) tour soon after I figure out where everything goes and then put pictures and art up!

I’m so excited!!!

In blog news 52 in 52 will be posted later today and then The Fire Starter Sessions will be as normal tomorrow and Friday!


The Fire Starter Sessions – The Burning Questions

Friday, October 19, 2012

(not to be mistaken for questions about a burning feeling in your lower region… see a doctor)

Week 3, Part 2: Eleven questions to be answered with honesty… some were easy for me, and others not so much. 

Freedom starts when you can identify the aggravation you’ve been accommodating for so long.

When someone at a party asks you what you do, what do you say? And how do you feel when you say it.
I work at a movie theater and two photo studios. I read a lot and I like to take pictures with a variety of different kinds of camera. Oh yes, and I blog. Aaaand now since fall is kind of here, I make blankets.
I feel embarrassed about the low wage jobs that don’t have a goal to connect with other than making some money. I don’t like that I work for $8 an hour at a place that is below my experience and expertise. I feel bad writing that because I think it makes me seem snobby. Or maybe that’s when people remind me that some with Master’s degrees are working these kinds of jobs as well. 
No matter if that is true or not I hold myself to a higher standard despite the state of the economy. So, I feel bad, or dumb or embarrassed.
What do people thank you for most often? What do they come to you for, or say about you, most frequently? (+ or -)
On a good day they ask for advice or a listening ear. They ask for ideas of how to get through a tangle with their significant other or good friend. They ask for questions on what’s next… either or… positive and negatives. 
People ask me or come to me with organization needs. 
When they talk about me the positive is that I’m funny, fun, blunt, hard working…
Other times I’m bitchy, have attitude problems, blunt, selfish
When do you feel powerful, passionate, free, incredibly useful, excited or inspired?
taking pictures
when traveling
when writing thoughtful pieces
when I help someone learn something new
while looking at beautiful photos
inspired when reading certain books
organizing things
What do you think your form of genius is? What are you amazing at? 
I don’t feel like I am amazing at anything, no genius, just common knowledge. That being said, I am on a hunt for passions and genius. Not a hunt with guns and knives, there will be no trapping… more like a wandering adventure… taking time to stop and appreciate. Let things sink in.
Who do you think is really cool, elegant or powerful?
Lauren Conrad (so shoot me)
Emma Stone
Taylor Swift
Danielle of Sometimes Sweet
Becka of Life as an Artistpreneur
Elise of Enjoy It
And then my friends. Each has their own quality that I find incredible and inspiring and look up to.

What’s chronic, repetitive, or inflamed in your inner and outer life?
– wanting someone to tell me what to do next and how to do it, but then finding reasons not to do just what they say
– hiding from rejection; guys and jobs
– perfectionism in anything and everything
– self doubt and self deprecation
– lack of money for bills and projects
– depression, it’s a cycle I go through and I think it’s situational, but I also think it is caused by my interpretation of things
What’s always in the back of your mind?
– framing the image I’m seeing in a camera
– doubt, certainty that I’m not good enough
– lack
What would you like to stop doing?
– second guessing
– self doubt and loathing
– biting my nails
– spending more than I make
– waiting for the “right” time
– whining
– making excuses
How much money would you like to be making?
Eventually $70,000 per year. 
Right now, in the next year I would like to be making $35k – $40k. 
How would you like to be seen, recognized, acknowledged, awarded, praised?
I want to be appreciated. I don’t need something big like a tv segment or anything but I would like to be known at least by a group of people, and the work I create appreciated. I don’t need red carpet fame, just to be valued.
By a significant other: with cuddles and forehead kisses and small (or large) out of the blue surprises. I want to be in a balanced partnership where wants, needs, dreams and aspirations are respected and applauded. Also, great sex. I mean, duh, girl’s got needs.
So… what would you like to do with your life and career? (Money is no object… dream)
Travel, see places in the states and out of it. Write. Live in an apartment flooded with natural light. Decorated simply and elegantly with little bits and bobbles that show a bit about me. I want a room for a pole or to exercise. I want a work space with a large desk cleared of clutter for a computer with photoshop and such for blogging, photography and other work stuff. Eventually I want a house but that dream isn’t quite set in stone. Currently the house of my dreams looks somewhat like the one in The Lucky One… wide open, lots of light, lots of wood, cavernous rooms that are not too large square foot wise but with higher ceilings. I want a porch for this house. I want a balcony for the apartment, must be able to sit outside. With that being said I want the upstairs apartment if it’s only two levels, maybe higher than that if there are more stories. I want to see Barcelona, Madrid, parts of Greece, Paris and England with Chelsea. I want to take Chelsea to Portland and show her the fun times. I want to work in an inspiring and artistic job with people that become lifelong friends. 
I will have a kitten that will grow into a small cat. I’m not sure if I’m still going to name her Miss Moo but she will be my buddy. I won’t go back to living with family or relying on them monetarily. I am my own person with potential and abilities and education that rivals just about anyone else. All that’s missing is confidence. 
I would take classes in Argentina for photography and move there for 6 months to more fully explore what I had a chance to see a few years ago. I would try out Nashville and the Carolinas. 
I would have an awesome wardrobe that wasn’t overflowing but had pieces for just about any occasion. My walls of my apartment or house will have beautiful art and small amounts of decoration. My bed will be comfortable, covered in blankets (mostly during the winter) and look soft, fluffy and white. I will be in a committed relationship and eventually in a long term committed relationship (not necessarily the same just like there is a time for a well lit apartment in my life and a time for a house) with a gorgeous individual who adores me just as much as I adore them. One day there will be a child. One day.

The Fire Starter Sessions and all included worksheets were written and created by Danielle LaPorte

Development by Brandi Bernoskie + Morgan Woroner