Entries from March 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
I figured since I am not going to do a 26 before 27 that I would instead do a list of things about me. Not quite usual things I guess you could say. I mean, to me it’s all the norm, but that’s because I live with me 24/7. What a drag I can be sometimes. 😉
1. I am not a big fan of cheese. My aversion has lessened over the years but I am still incredibly picky. I love cream cheese and mac and cheese (but that’s fake cheese). I do not like just about any other type of cheese. I won’t eat cheese on pizza, I take it off, I won’t eat grilled cheese sandwiches and only recently could I start eating quesadillas ONLY IF I had beans, guac and sour cream to dip it in.
2. I changed high schools my junior year. I was bored (I guess) with the one I went to Freshman and Sophomore year so I just changed. I didn’t really know anybody at the new school but it was closer to my house. Senior year I transferred back to the first high school so I could be off campus most of the day. My original high school had an open campus and more artsy classes… it fit me better overall but I don’t regret trying the other, more normal school.
3. I’ve lived in Portland three times. Once for a month the summer of ’06, then for two years and most recently for 10 months. I still miss it but I know there are other places for me to explore.
4. Before pinterest (and even still) I kept file folders full of pictures from magazines for collages. While I love, love, love pinterest I really like having a physical copy of the picture to look at.
5. I have a hard time reading long articles on the computer. I would print out the online reading assignments in college so I could write on them and reference them later. That’s probably why I’m not all that stoked on the idea of a Kindle. I mean, for packing and traveling it seems great, and when I finish a book while I am out and about, having a book on my iphone is helpful, but I can’t get over the feel and the smell of real books. It’s part of the experience for me.
6. I LOVE pens. I don’t let myself walk down aisles with pens or office supplies because I will probably find something I think I need. My pen preferences change on a whim and I really don’t know why. Sometimes I prefer ballpoint, other times I feel I can’t write without a needle point.
7. I need a blanket to fall asleep at night. I will sleep fitfully during a nap if I don’t have a blanket or something covering my arms and chest. The heavier the better, though in the summer, that isn’t always possible, and I think that’s the real reason I don’t sleep well in the heat. Not because it’s hot, but because I can’t be adequately covered. And if they are a couple of thin, light blankets… nah, those only work for naps. Give me weight!
8. I have a dent in my left thigh. I’m still not 100% sure how it came to be. But the muscle in the dent is completely broken down. The heel of my palm can fit in it perfectly. It could have been hitting the beam in gymnastics but I don’t remember a time like that and I remember most of my painful occurances. Like the time I had the wind knocked out of me because instead of using the spring board I ran full speed into the vault… or the time I did a handstand on the beam and fell onto my shin… but I don’t remember my left thigh… it’s a mystery.
9. Speaking of injuries… I split the back of my head open (not the bone thank goodness) during my sister’s first birthday party. I was doing a flip into the pool, something I had been really good at before then, and misjudged jumping up versus jumping out and WHAM head connected to rough concrete. I didn’t cry until someone yelled that I was bleeding. Then I lost it. I freaked out even further when they told me I needed stitches. I cried all the way to the hospital (because I was scared, not because it hurt…even though it did) and then when they put the stitches in I think I was fine.
10. Going with the injury subject, I’ve never broken a bone. (I’m knocking on wood real hard right now.) I was never really the physically adventurous type. But most of the physical activities I participated in had the potential for many injuries.
11. I was never big into team sports, but I did find myself on a cheer squad my 8th grade year. (a fact which surprises many) Before you think pop warner know it was more like Bring It On in the competitive sense. Before that I had taken gymnastics classes for a couple of years if not more and before that was karate. I guess karate is pretty safe until you start fighting and I definitely never found myself at that level. But cheer, oh man, that sport can be incredibly dangerous, I finally proved myself as a flyer half way through the year but my group was careful with me and I never had any bad falls… Thank goodness.
12. I listen to just about any kind of music EXCEPT reggae. I dislike reggae so very much. Seriously it makes me angry when I hear it. Probably some conditioning from high school but I get very antsy and annoyed when I hear it and can’t get away. Interesting aversion to have when you live close to the beach in Southern California…
13. I didn’t have my first, all to myself, alcoholic drink until I was 22. It was a mimosa. Delicious. I still drink MAYBE once a month and can have the same amount of fun with or without it. There are few alcoholic drinks I like. I go through phases and for the last several months margaritas are the only thing that sound or taste good to me. Before that it was vodka with fruit juices… before that strictly champagne.
14. I learned how to crochet in Junior High. I’ve since made several blankets, a few for myself and a good amount for friends’ babies and such.
15. I befriended my librarian in J.H. and still send her letters/emails every couple of months. She was a very awesome person to have in my life during what are probably the worst school years in a kid’s life. (Personal opinion obviously, was junior high the hard time for you?) We shared our love of books and I worked in the library most than was usually allowed. I think she even let me borrow books over the summer. Don’t worry, I brought them back.
16. I was obsessed with Sweet Valley High books. I loved Elizabeth and Jessica. My parents thought they were racy (they hadn’t read them) and they definitely were not. I remember waiting for the newest part of the series to come out (when they changed to a black cover and the earthquake happened and everything) and then I would read them in one sitting. My mom didn’t want to buy them because I would go through them so fast. Unfortunately the library at school and the library in town didn’t have them either. So I kept buying them.
17. The idea of the feeling of a chalkboard (not even nails across a chalk board) makes me feel all creepy crawly. That and walls that have cheap cheap, chalky paint on them. Same feeling, I hate it, makes me shiver and then my skin crawls and it’s not fun. Oh, and wet wood… mind out of gutter please… like those spoons that use to come with applesauce that you could take to school. Those wooden flat spoons (what’s the point really?) were horrible and torture, I just ended up drinking the applesauce out of the small cup it came in. Classy since birth people…
18. I have small hands. Especially because my feet are larger or at least normal size. On the whole, from palm to tips of fingers, my hands are small… best part, the circumferences of my fingers are normal if not a bit large. I’m talking ring size 7/8 on a mini hand.
19. I once spent a month in Argentina, one day I’ll write about it here and share pictures.
20. I find myself get a tad uncomfortable seeing right above the backs of guys knees. I don’t think this is an always kind of thing, but it’s definitely a thing I have. The less tan they are/ the lighter the back of the knee is than the calf, the more uncomfortable I feel. I think it’s something about how I’m so use to guys wearing long shorts or pants and when I see that area of a guy I almost feel like it’s a private area. Haha. Where’s my habit, seriously… No, but really, like I was saying, the less tan it is or the greater the difference is in color between say the calf and the area above the back of the knee… the more I think it hasn’t seen the sun and therefore think it’s been hidden and private. Silly.
21. I use to be a pro at Myspace stalking. Nowadays the youngin’s call it lurking and they are talking about Facebook (which, by the way, is much harder to stalk/lurk). No, really though, I was scary good. And then I realized that knowing that info about people wasn’t helping my life any, so I gave it up. Cold turkey…
well, for the most part.
22. I have only had two actual, titled boyfriends. The first was in my sophomore year of high school and we lasted a whopping 2.5 weeks (give or take a day or two). Luckily this was before the days of Myspace and so I wasn’t as heartbroken as I could have been to know he had been meaning to date this other girl. Don’t worry, they didn’t get together until senior year.
The second ended up being a really interesting story, but not a good one. I fell hard for the idea of a relationship, a big girl relationship… a not in high school relationship and so I felt some pretty deep emotions. I’m not saying love, that wasn’t one of them.
Things ended not so great (read: with me calling him the p word… ending isn’t ick… more like alternative name for a cat) and he admitted months later after attempting to add me on good ol’ FB (cuz really, we were such good friends) that he had been doing some hard drugs while we were together.
You live and you learn.
23. Speaking of hard drugs, I haven’t done any. I haven’t even done the drugs that people swear aren’t drugs because they’re natural. No nose candy, no mary jane… nothin. I can’t say that I’ve never had a contact high… I can’t tell the difference between what could be a possible contact high and my normal silliness… but then there was the fourth of a beer I drank… (I’m not even being sarcastic, depending on how much water/food I’ve had that day I can get tipsy off of a fourth of a drink… I did it tonight.) I admit to befriending stoners in the past. But I have chosen to abstain due to a lack of interest.
24. I had quite possibly the BEST wisdom teeth extraction that one could have. The first session they took out the top two and I went to work that night. They didn’t put me under, no extra strength pain meds, only normal levels of ibuprofen after.
Second session the bottom two were cut out (again I was awake for the whole thing) and I took the next day off work just in case but went to work the day after that again with only ibuprofen.
My cheeks didn’t swell, I didn’t fill my prescription for vicodin AND I was awake both sessions.
Seriously, I’m still amazed at how lucky I came out of that one.
25. The first job that I can remember wanting was to be a dolphin trainer at Sea World. I still wouldn’t hate that job at all. Well, maybe a bit. I hear the trainers don’t get paid all that well (even with risk of death when dealing with Shamu… ps while death is sad, I’m giving the whale the benefit of the doubt) and SW isn’t the best company to work for. But that’s all rumor so who really knows. I would die (not really, then I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it) for the chance to help a scientist test dolphin intelligence or their use of echolocation. Some dreams never die.
26. People assume I am a LOT younger than I am… we’re talking at least 6 years here most of the time. One on hand that’s great, it means at any age I will look about half a decade younger than I am. Awesome, that’s what we Americans want and love right? That’s what people starve themselves for, or spend exorbitant amount of money on cold creams for?
Here’s my secret, sometimes (a lot of the time) I want to look my age, or maybe just a year or two below it, not the 6 that people have been guessing lately.
Ever since I was little I’ve wanted to be taken seriously… thinking about it right now I think that’s kind of funny considering I crack jokes all the time. But still, when push comes to shove I want to be taken seriously. (And I also want to be right, but that’s a separate issue.)
Here I am at 26 grateful that I have great skin and look young but at the same time wishing people would take me seriously sometimes probably because I don’t take myself seriously just about ever.
So there you have it… twenty six things you might not have known about me.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
While I would normally leave these links for my Friday, Happily Wasted posts, I just couldn’t help but find three posts that spoke to things I’ve been thinking about lately.
First I happened upon Life as an Artistpreneur’s Coffee Cup Chats and, as usual, smiled. This week’s CCC was about sticking in your old cages even when you’ve clearly outgrown your restraints. It’s about fear and how we learn to stay where we are, even when we have the means to be somewhere else. It’s also about elephants, and elephants have a special place in my heart.
Click here to read the post and then come back…
I’m still here.
Okay, so now that you’ve read it you know what I mean when I talk about baby elephants vs grown ones. That I still feel very much like a baby elephant, held down by previous constraints that I don’t now and never have fully understood. At least the elephants can see the thing that’s holding them in place. But even if I could see it clearly, would I still be like the grown elephant thinking this tiny, insignificant stake in the ground and rope around my ankle could really keep me?
I have let things keep me from growing and moving on in the past. I switched locations but the same, invisible restraints have kept me in my patterns, my ruts, until I’m too deep to see out.
So where do I go from here, what am I testing, what am I pulling out of the ground to set myself free?
I’m no stranger to introspection and I can say that this tendency, of misjudging what’s in front of you, is affecting many if not all aspects of my life.
I worry about my previous judgement with boys and wonder if I’ll ever be able to find a man… I worry that I will not be good enough or smart enough to figure out how to take care of myself, even at 26. I worry that my writing is shoddy or less than other people’s. I worry that while I have a passion for reading and literature that I might not have all the little pieces of knowledge necessary to be a decent teacher.
I could go on longer, but I think you get the point. I sure do.
Which leads me to the second post that I found thought provoking…
The second article has a similar animal to human comparison aspect to it… This time it was about a goat that thought and acted like it was a dog. First off, can I just say my heart melted (it oh so very cold usually 😉 ) reading the story. I mean, a goat that makes a lot of noise at strangers, or chases smaller animals or runs in a pack of dogs… HOW CUTE?!
Okay, moving on to the more relevant part… the family of said goat had wanted a goat, not an extra dog. But when they created a separate area for the goat and kept him caged he became despondent and didn’t eat. I’m happy to say the family gave the goat to a different family who wanted a goat/dog.
So what does this have to do with humans?
Well, how many times have you found yourself saying something that wasn’t quite true because you felt like it was something you SHOULD say. As an example, I often find myself saying I love something when I just like it. For instance, many of my friends love zombies… like a good handful are obsessed about the possibility of a zombie apocalypse and can argue the methods of surviving with great detail.
In casual conversation with people who aren’t this handful, when zombies are brought up I hear myself saying, “oh my goodness, I LOVE zombies.” Here’s the truth, I have read a few zombie stories, I watch The Walking Dead and I’ll watch any other zombie movies if in a group of people. I’ll even admit they can be scary or not so scary and argue some ways of surviving. I’ll admit that if I were to be in that kind of world I might just take a long nap and offer myself as zombie food after a while because I don’t see how I can find survival on few hours of sleep for years any kind of real living.
But do I LOVE zombies? Do I love them to the extent that real zombie lovers do? Probably not. I don’t spend extra time looking things up about the possibilities or really arguing over methods. If the conversation is there I’ll take it, but I’m not going to start it. And I’m not going to put zombies in my lists of interests any time soon.
Relevance Corey? What I’m saying is that unlike this goat, sometimes I try to fit in somewhere I just don’t feel quite right, and it’s habit more than anything else. Truth be told, I’d choose Pretty Little Liars or reading over most zombie things if I’m doing something on my own…
Truth be told I would love to work from home instead of working at an office or in a store. But sometimes we act like things we don’t feel like we are.
Does that make any sense at all? I guess my thoughts aren’t as organized with this one. But it sparked my interest.
Okay, I think I’ve got it… you are what you think you are. So if I think I’m horrible at something, say, like above where I think I’m incapable of finding a good partner, then I will be. Or if I think I’m a decent writing, then maybe I will be. Maybe my focus above was all wrong, maybe it doesn’t matter if I say I love zombies when I only really like them, I don’t have to know every detail of the different kinds of zombies… I just have to believe I like them.
Again, not the best example, but it’s something to think about.
Basically, I am going to keep working on believing I am what I want to be, and working on gaining the skills or knowledge to make it true.
Which awesomely enough leads me to the third post…
Elise Blaha, one of my favorite bloggers, the two above are also in my top ten… wrote about making it work even if you aren’t an expert. I think this post (and can I say I read these in this order… sometimes things just line up right) ties it all together.
When you think you are tied to one spot, or you think you aren’t an expert, you may stay rooted in one place, unable to move anywhere besides the circle your post and rope allow you. But if you think about your strengths, in Elise’s case, getting things done, and move forward anyway, you have a chance of reaching a goal you never thought you could have.
If I only think of what I’m lacking then I might not move forward and try anyway.
Sometimes, (read: many times) those things we think are important that we lack end up being small issues even though we (I) had made them these colossal roadblocks. Maybe we have to put the car in park for a second, get out of the car and move the light fence someone put up, but they aren’t brick walls…
And then, when they are, it’s time to try something different, or grow more and drive again. Sometimes we don’t know what it is that we do that will break down that wall.
We have to have a first time doing things, we have to learn and sometimes we have to ask for help.
But most of the time we really just need to start.
Is this making sense?
Be an elephant, but purposefully forget how those times you were held back before. Try again and see if your added bulk (knowledge, expertise, experiences) makes a difference… and while you’re doing that, think that it will make a difference. Pretty soon what was a stake in the ground and thick rope on your ankle will be as insignificant as a twig and string.