Entries from September 2011

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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Well, my two weeks dog sitting Benny has come to an end. We laughed, we cried, we peed on the carpet… him more so than me. Or maybe it was me and I blamed it on him… Sorry Nicole. I got excited and nervous for your homecoming!
In all seriousness though, while Benny is a great dog, a lover and a cuddler to the extreme, I have to say I learned at the end of two weeks that I am NOT ready for my own dog (nor have a baby for that matter… don’t worry parentals there was no worry of that happening any time soon but I did have mental baby fever and I think it’s broke) Not puppy or otherwise. I’m not ready to give up some of my own free time or make sure to wake up for another creature. Some nights I don’t want a heat box against my leg, it gets too hot and if I’m too hot I can’t sleep. And if I don’t sleep… oh I might hold grudges for the smallest things.
Don’t get me wrong, Benny is awesome and wonderful, I just needed my own place again after two weeks. As shabby as I think this apartment of mine is, I did miss it after a while.
Probably because it’s mine and I know how it works and I know the time it takes to get places from here and such.
These past two weeks were kind of like a staycation… kind of. There were still some hints of responsibility, but I did sleep in a real bed (not a queen air mattress) and cooked on another person’s stove, and showered in a different shower. 
Speaking of, how in the heck did people shower comfortably in the claw tub turned shower showers? They look awesome but goodness with a shower curtain on both sides of you things can get cramped. Or maybe that’s just my part of my come and go anxiety… who knows.
Point is, Nicole is back from her lovely vacation land and she came bearing gifts which was awesome. Benny and I made it through the two weeks together though I am 100% sure he’s happier to see Nicole. She’s a better puppy cuddler than I am! 🙂 
And after being away even just a little while, home sweet home is still just that.

Happily Wasted: What I Mentally Consumed This Week

Monday, September 26, 2011

This week I stayed at Nicole’s house, hanging out with her dog Benny so he doesn’t get lonely. He is quite an interesting dog full of quirks…
I slowly started working on another blanket project but the yarn is really soft and therefore more slippery which makes the whole process a tad slower. I’m not in a rush to get serious about this project yet, just adding as I feel like it. 
I’ve been pretty mellow, just staying around Nicole’s place with Benny. Trying to keep my debit card from making a lot of appearances around the town. You know how it goes, you let it out and all of a sudden it’s like when you give a mouse a cookie… it just wants something else too.

Most of the week was pretty sunny and warm, but last night the heat broke into drizzle and then rain and  today, today fall showed up again. She was brisk and a little chilly and just perfect sweater weather. I guess October is a fine time for Fall to start. We shouldn’t be too surprised. More time for indoor projects for sure. More time for coffee or tea dates and sitting in windows watching the rain fall. We’ll see how positive I am about the colder temperatures when it really hits!

Here’s what I passed the hot and not so hot days with this week:

Movies/Shows Watched
– Bones Season 4
– Spirited Away
Read (or currently reading)
The Sun Also Rises
The Art of Seduction (I would just like to say I am hating this book. Manipulation is not something I am a big fan of)
White Teeth
The Artist’s Way

Favorite Posts/Articles
An awesome post about getting started with your own business! I’m excited this girl is moving to Portland… maybe I’ll make a blog friend?!?!
I want this dress
Advice for those going to (or even considering) grad school.
No makeup? … well, maybe a little. 
More amazing tips from Kara at I Just Might Explode concerning holding it together.
Elsie gives some great thrifting tips… now if only I lived in a now that didn’t get all thrift stores ransacked by pro thrifters all the time. 😉 (She’s also got a pretty new blog design goin on!)

I also went to a show at the Hawthorne Theatre. I saw Comeback Kid for maybe like the 7th time in my life. Who knows, maybe more. I feel like they were always coming through the Epicentre back in the day.
I don’t know what it was about this show though, it made me a little sad. Usually I leave these kinds of shows all amped but either my blood sugar dropped or something about it hit me wrong. Who knows. The band did well though. I guess that’s what really matters. And they played my favorite song. 

Has fall hit where you are yet?

First Day of Fall

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Weather (haha, get it? puuunny!) Portland knows it or not, today is the first official day of fall (by the time you’re reading this it is actually the 2nd…). 
While we had one week (or maybe even just a few days) of fall weather the sun came back out for a couple more probably to wish us “so long” for the next several months. 
Instead of cry over the slowly (sometimes not so slowly) dropping temperatures I’m going to think of a list of things I am excited for come fall.
1. Pumpkin anything and everything. Starbucks brought it out a week or two before fall but I’m more looking forward to pumpkin muffins and such.
2. Kids and pets in Halloween costumes. Adorable.
3. Sweaters. I love sweaters so much and I’m going to get to wear them again!
4. Having an excuse to go shopping… I need to bring some serious pieces into my wardrobe, ones that layer well so I don’t always run out of the house in jeans (possibly with tights underneath), a tank, a tee or a long sleeve, a sweater, a sweatshirt and a coat (that’s for winter…). People in New York have far colder winters than we do and many still look good. Must learn that!
5. Baking
6. Reading with the sound of the rain against windows.
7. TEA! Oh goodness I think I’m going to attempt new teas this season. Maybe go to a tea shop or two. Really give it a go.
8. The sound of cars driving on wet streets. 
9. fire places (a friend has one… score!)
What are you looking forward to?

Where I’ve Been

Friday, September 23, 2011

The past couple days (not to mention the last few years) have held a lot of time for self reflection. I’ve been sleeping a lot again which warns me of a dip toward depression. That scares me and at the same time I just feel blase about it. For a while I would try and fight any slightly down feelings and I think lately I’ve given into them a lot more. 
Neither option is all that healthy or productive. Both options leave me rooted to the spot either battering my own mind or laying in bed sleeping the day or night away until it’s time to go to already organized events or functions. 
I find there’s really no reason to be awake a lot of the time which isn’t me saying I don’t want to be alive, I hope no one misinterprets that. I do like life, I do like people (some of the time) and I love, love, love my friends and family. They are just all spread out and sometimes I feel incredibly disconnected from it all. I have good friends here but they all have their own lives and Nicole is off in Venice seeing awesome things and I’m staying at her house trying not to spend money.
See, I would get out of bed more if I thought I could go out and about. I can’t though, when I go out I spend money. It might just be on food throughout the day, or it will be a new book (or five) or it will be a movie and popcorn and candy… I’m not outrageously out of control but there are very few things in life that don’t cost money to do (beside the walking in parks and such, but I’m also a fearful person and wonder if walking alone through forest like parks is all that safe) and so I stay at home and work on projects or read books… but reading books ends in me laying down and then needing a nap. Then the night comes and I’m wide awake but no one else is or they are out partying. That’s not my style. I don’t party well (unless we’re talking like a 6 year olds princess party complete with castle air jump) and so have a hard time connecting with a lot of people my age.
This is all a long winded beginning to the point of this post…
So, here goes….
Because I’ve been staying home a lot and haven’t felt like blogging much besides my Happily Wasted posts (which are basically my favorite thing) and part of me feels bad and another part of me sees my follower numbers going down slowly and gets sad but I don’t want to throw together posts just to hold onto random people that might not even really read my blog.
Another tangent, shoot.
So, here, point getting to… tonight after sleeping all day I found motivation to work on some things that have been on pause. A couple of e-courses I bought about a year ago that I have yet to finish or read through all the way. 
I started with the one I was mostly done with and realized I left off on the best post for the current night.
It’s titled: How to Stay Motivated
Hmmm, yeah perfect.
In it, Teika, of Selective Potential, writes a couple of sentences that I wanted to mull over…

If you aren’t dedicated to your blog, you’ll lose motivation. That’s why it’s so important to blog only about things you are passionate about. If you find yourself saying to yourself, “Ugh, I don’t feel like doing a blog post tonight” or “I’m just sick of my blog” or finding other excuses or reasons to not blog, you’re probably not dedicated enough to it!

My first thoughts: it’s not an issue of dedication to the blog, it’s a matter of being dedicated to anything. Leave it to me to find life thoughts in a e-course on blogging. 
So I thought about that a little more. Yes I love my blog. I absolutely love sharing things with the unknown world, I’m not sure what it is about my personality that thrives off sharing what I’m thinking but it’s definitely a big part of me. I love reading comments and connecting with new people. I love reading other people’s blogs and finding pretty things. 
I love when I do find motivation and come up with something that I like. 
For instance, I was looking for a picture to put at the beginning of this post and just couldn’t find something on piccsy or on pinterest that was anything close to what I had in mind. In a matter of minutes I thought of an idea with the stuff I had around me, took the picture with my phone, uploaded it to picnik and created what I wanted. 
It’s times like those that I love blogging and such.
I think my biggest excitement in blogging is the sense of accomplishment. Of writing a good post that flows well or creating a new image or writing about something that others can really connect with. 
My thoughts after more time to think:
Last night (early this morning) I looked up commitment phobia/anxiety and found that I may as well have my picture with the definition on wikipedia (ick) because it describes me to a T. Not necessarily the relationship aspect, though that I’m sure is correct too. My real worry right now is for other things though, like committing to my next big step in life, committing to trying something new, committing to moving out of my apartment that I decided a ways back was too expensive…
basically committing to anything longer than a week or two.
And if we’re talking about exercising or quitting Diet Coke, my mind balks at the idea of committing for even a week.
I’m not sure I have dedication to put into my own life right now. I’m living day to day but not even doing that really well and I’m a little worried. (Mom, please don’t call worried about this, I’m going to find a psychologist.) 
I’m not worried about bodily harm, I’m not anywhere close to that. I’m not worried about not living, I still want to do that, I just want to be out of this violent cycle of being okay and then being depressed. My happy times come but they are fleeting and I’m basically torturing myself by not committing to anything.
I also have a noisy mind and know some of the reasons I do (or don’t do) things. That’s another hard part. I am constantly analyzing myself, my choices, my motives, everything. I can’t make mistakes because I don’t let myself do anything. 
Dedication… I need it.
As a silver lining, I think I’m coming closer to the peak of the mountain called “C’s mental issues.” Sometimes I forget, but looking back I have definitely come a long way. There are some big things I’m going to be tackling next but one step at a time I’m going to find a way to learn. Maybe I’ll learn how to shut off this loud mind of mine and just experience some things.
So, in case you were wondering, that’s where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing… reading, sleeping and worrying. 

Happily Wasted: What I Mentally Consumed This Week

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Well, I was going to post about how I haven’t been super motivated to blog lately but I guess that’s pretty obvious considering I just realized I skipped last week for this…
Oh well, I’ll put both weeks into one and then next week we’ll be right back on track.
This past week I finished the blanket project I’ve been working on and sent it off to Unicorn Sparkle(bottom)s. I’m so, so excited for her to get it. I think I sent it off by Tuesday so it should be there by next Thursday at the latest I think… Not sure about timing with parcel post really.
Since finishing that I’ve taken a bit of a break before working on the baby blanket that is next in line. I’m also dog sitting for Nicole while she is off galavanting around Venice with her Madre. Lucky girl! I think she’s having fun. (duh)
I’ve been reading A LOT and have already passed the minimum book reading requirement for the month… go me!
Aaaand I’ve been having a lot of cuddle times with Nicole’s cute dog Benny. He might make some picture appearances in the next week or so. I’ve been also taking a break from picture snapping as well for some reason. Just staying mellow really.
I’ll start up again when it feels right.
Fall is here. I think the exact day it started was either the day before Nicole left or the day Nicole left. Thanks for that…
But in all seriousness, it feels really good to have some early fall weather here. The rain/drizzle is back and while I know I’m going to hate it soon enough I’m really enjoying the fact that flannels and beards are going to be even more prevalent than they already are here in Portland.
Sometimes I really love this place.

I would go on about things I love right now (I’m in a good mood) but instead I’ll leave you with my consumed materials list for the past two weeks.

Movies/Shows Watched
– Bones Season 4
– Morning Glory
Listened To
– A Loss For Words – The Kids Can’t Lose
– City and Colour – Little Hell
– A Day to Remember
Read (or currently reading)
The Sea Wolf – Jack London
I Am a Pencil
Water for Elephants
The Art of Seduction (this book is making me mad, mad, mad so I’m taking it in small doses)

Favorite Posts/Articles
I definitely read on National Read a Book Day (Tuesday) and this article had several good reasons to read… though, lets be real… I read with or without good reason!
Strangely serene pictures of baby animals in the womb.
Recipe for baked oatmeal
brownie sundaes in a jar
This music video, a post by Busy Bee Lauren reminded me of the song
a post full of pictures in a bookstore

Has fall hit where you are yet?

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